Archive for the ‘Film: Feature’ Category

CFAC – Day 13: Black Christmas

Nanu Advent Day 13

’twas december the 13th, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, ‘cept a dead reanimated mouse = yes that’s right, it’s scary Thursday here on the Nanu-Nanu Christmas Advent Calendar of film. Sure, Christmas is about loving films, care and beauty – but there are some god damn brilliant Christmas themed Horror films out there, if you are prepared to suffer from some vile shit too. But I’ve watched some of the guff so you don’t have to bother

 

Black Christmas (1974)

Bob Clark, 98 mins

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just gruesome and real. Unlike yesterday, I am putting my foot down and telling you to ignore the 2006 remake – it didn’t need to be made, because it anaesthetizes the film from it’s raw, and natural 70’s- ness to be something of offence to film, as opposed to an offence to the mind. Indulge yourself, and get you in the giggly mood or Friday… or if that doesn’t suit you, today’s alternative film is…

 

Rare Exports: a Christmas Tale (2010)

Jalmari Helander, 84 mins

This Finnish masterpiece is a modern, foreign horror that plays with the Christmas myth in all it’s nasty glory. Much like a previous alternative choice Sint, Rare Exports exploits everything you’ve ever loved about Santa and rips it from shred to shred. The basic premise is that Santa is unearthed in an archaeological dig on Christmas eve, and Children start to go missing… It’s well made, and has some really hellish imagery which is fantastic.

Neither of these? A little harder to find, but why not Try…

Santa Claws (1996)

John A. Russo, 83 mins

This is a cheap, cheap b-movie. It isn’t great, by any traditional critical standards, but who needs theme – boy is this brilliant, you know?

Here’s a teaser for you, in the form of a music video…

CFAC – Day 12: Miracle on 34th Street

Nanu Advent Day 12

Now only 13 days left, this week is becoming a hassle. Yes, you”ve had some delightful fun watching the films recommended to you on this very blog, you need to remember the miracle of Christmas. And more importantly, you need to be reminded that miracles can happen – even

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if that miracle is surviving another handful of days before the rest that Christmas hopefully brings for you. Today”s choice is a miraculous Christmas Classic

Miracle on 34th Street (1947 or 1994)

George Seaton, 94 mins/Les Mayfield 114 mins

So, a confusing recommendation today, as I couldn”t choose which version of the two magnificent films to choose. Not because I don”t have a preference, but because I know too many people will prefer one over the other, but please boys and girls this is Christmas – there is no need to fight. So, take a chance with the version you”d like to enjoy, if that”s revisiting your fave, of experimenting with the original, and

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if you”ve seen neither give at least one of them a go. Little girl basically cutes the fuck out of Christmas and we”re left with a Santa Claus that actually exists. God bless er little casino jameshallison girls. Christmas and religion suddenly got a bit more confusing. If that doesn”t float our boat, then why not try today”s alternative film…

 

Rob VanAlkemade

So, this is a documentary with Morgan Spurlock involved at some point in it”s production about consumerism and Christmas. It isn”t as hard going as you”d imagine, focusing on the figure of Reverend Billy and his mission to remove the shopping from Christmas. Along with his all singing and all dancing Church of Stop Shopping Gospel Choir, Billy tries to get festive shoppers to realise the error of their ways, and apprehending shoppers in their natural

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environments – the bawdy and violently commercial stores that litter American streets. The sentiment is interesting, and don”t be put off by the religious undertones, there is something interesting going on here – but it doesn”t do enough as a documentary to be worth your time at some other time of year. It”s fine, and well put together, if not a little meh. You know? This might not be the miracle you need tonight, but it might make you feel better about the bah humbug inside you…

CFAC – Day 11: Home Alone

Nanu Advent Day 11

Two Weeks To Go – Just fourteen days until Christmas. Holy Crap, you are thinking to yourself, I remember waking on January the 1st 2012, bleary eyed like a new born child (admittedly if that new born child had been raised in its mothers” womb on a diet of a beer, rum and jaegerbombs). And now the proximity of Christmas is devastatingly

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near. This epic milestone deserves cracking open a holiday classic.

Home Alone (1990)

Chris Columbus, 103 mins

Having watched this film more times than perhaps any other in the history of cinema, seeing Home Alone again for the first time in 15 years or so was a humbling experience. So many questions were answered that I did even think to question. I knew every movement, line and expression as if it were my own skin – but only by tone and visuals alone. I knew next to nothing of whatever the hell was going on – the plot having barely registered in my tiny pre-school skull. Sure it made perfect sense now – why, for example, they had seemed to live in a massive house, yet still have to share some sort of bizarre commune with their extended family. A commune that spent hundreds of dollars on delivered pizza and holiday trips across the Atlantic to Paris in first class seats. What”s more, Culkin”s brattish character took on an extra dimension of annoyance that I had only heard uttered by parents disputing the film. I hardly imagine there is a soul reading this who hasn”t enjoyed at least this original edition of the Home Alone series – a series which it is apparent will be returning to our screens in the not too distant future – but take a moment to relive the moment, and revel in the new experience this film, and remember and appreciate in advance what family at Christmas time could mean, if you embrace the lonely child in all of us.

If you don”t want the sentimentality of Home Alone – or perhaps this is something you have to wait “til you are home to watch, a holy film that cannot simply be seen on a whim – then we of course have our alternative film to see you through the day…

 

Surviving Christmas (2004)

Mike Mitchell, 91 mins

I don”t think there is an alternative film in this series that stands in such stark contrast. This is no-one”s classic christmas film, and has little sentimental value to anyone. Ben Affleck”s christmas comedy sees him play a rich executive whose heartless lifestyle has seen him alienated from all that you hold dear in life – family and friends. Trying to fill this void, Afflect returns to his family home, only to find a different world to that which he remembered – and money lets Affleck hire the family that live there to fulfill his christmas desires. It doesn”t sit well as a film, and is more heavily flawed than even my mistake interpretation of Home Alone could ever be, but you know what – you might find something to treasure in this after all.

 

One that is harder to find…

Homeless for the Holidays (2009)

George A Johnson, 105 mins

This drama sees an executive lose his perfect life and have to find work in a fast food restaurant. If you can find it, you might be able to revel in something a little different, with a similar message of what christmas is really about – people. Check out this trailer of the independent film, and find something special.

CFAC – Day 10: Funny Farm

Nanu Advent Day 10

Monday has returned and it isn’t even the last week before Christmas. This week is perhaps the grimmest of all the weeks – knowing full well that the glorious Yule time is mere days away, yet still not the reward for the next five days of penance is a real killer. To get you through this Monday – fucking Monday of a week that isn’t even the one that gets you there – you are going to want something to make you laugh, but which isn’t the real deal, yet. Give this a shot tonight for those Christmassless December Blues…

Funny Farm (1988)

George Roy Hill, 101 mins

First off the bat – this is a Chevy Chase feature film. Regardless of

your opinions of him following various spats and rumours circling his involvement with Community – a show in which he returned to his brilliance, albeit briefly – there are few funnier films than this which feature Chase. Sure, he’s known for much significant works – and there are even Christmas themed Chase films that are more worth your time than this – but this will entertain you, I guarantee. It’s about a guy who gives up his job to go and become a writer in the hills. It’s silly. It’s slapstick. It kinda has some Christmas in it, but nothing to make you long for the real deal.

The Santa Clause 2 (2002)

Micheal Lembeck, 104 mins

This is the unnecessary but inevitable sequel to the original and often well loved original “The Santa Clause” which stars Tim Allen as a guy who struggles with the fantasy and joy of Christmas. Some of you might be saying to yourself – “well if after the first one *spoiler* he’s kind of okay with being the whole Santa thing *spoiler end* then how can they make an entire film

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that follows on from that?” You know what, fuck you. Who the fuck cares? How are you even buying the premise of the first you bizarre bastard? This isn’t Godfather 2 by any stretch of the imagination, and as a sequel it fits in perfectly with the soppy sentiment and humour. Just sit the hell down and relax, there’s a pale imitation of a Christmas film to get you through this dire day. Christmas isn’t about perfection – it’s about being thankful for what you’ve got. At least for people outside of America – those inside have a day to do that about a month in advance so I guess Christmas is then about Jesus or something? NOW GO AWAY.

CFAC – Day 9: Gremlins

Nanu Advent Day 9

Following on from Friday”s theme, tonight happens to be the X-Factor final. Now for many I can understand that the X-factor is thoroughly entertaining television programme – and that opinion is absolutely fine, to a certain extent. However, what Cowell”s series has done for the British institution of the Christmas No. 1 borders on

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hateful (View the source of this page if you want to see what I really think about it – it”s a bit grim).

Cowell has ripped music, soul from it”s pure heart, cut off the head and instead fucked its bleeding stump with a commercial efficiency and monotonous anger that would make Genghis
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Kahn blush. There is more imagination and joy to be found in a rectal examination from your granny then there is any successful offshoot from that vulgour, and contemptible show.

If Simon Cowell could have his way with narrative storytelling, then art as we know it would be for the chop – and the death of all culture would be a noble end. As such, tonight I though we should celebrate Christmas in all it”s commercial vulgarity, and exploit that to watch something playful and fun – and an adequate kid”s film to boot if you think you”re child is up to it.

Gremlins (1984)

Joe Dante, 105 mins They say a dog isn”t just for Christmas, but for life. Giving anything live, you have to treat your pet with care and attention. In the world of Gremlins, the new pet has three simple rules to abide by if you wan”t to look pokies online after them: don”t give them water, don”t feed them after midnight, and keep them away from bright light. I”d quite enjoy a version of this film where these rules weren”t broken in any way, as Gremlins would make a killer pet. As it is though, the world of cute animals turns to horror in this delightful faux-horror from the 80s. One thing you have to admire about the 1980s, is their use of special effects. Despite age not looking fondly on the technique, the care and attention that working on these effects with a reality – as

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– gives them a bodily presence that just works. Made today, this would be a waste of your time, but with what”s used this film is a delightful relic of when movies were something truly special. But if you aren”t up for a horror film, maybe take a look at our alternative film

Tokyo Godfathers (2003)

Satoshi Kon & Shôgo Furuya, 92 mins It may not feature horror, but Tokyo Godfather is a gem of a film that could not be further from the dire glitz and zombie-esque glamour that is the re-animated corpse of popular music intrinsic with the X-Factor. Set in Tokyo, as much in the animated tradition of the east as it is in its capital, Tokyo Godfathers follows a homeless community in their festive struggles. This has heart in buckets where X-Factor is even running low on coal, and is unfortunately lost from most people”s radar; if you get a chance, please watch this and share it as it is a film which deserves to be seen. And if you”ve yet to experience anime, prepare to sink some hours in watching some quality films…

CFAC – Day 8: Christmas Story

Nanu Advent Day 8

Saturday night coming up to Christmas, you want something everyone can watch on a couch, maybe with a loved one, or maybe stroking your favourite pet dog, and just laugh like it’s nearly bloody Christmas (it really truly honestly is nearly bloody Christmas folks). Why not give these two light hearted holiday films a go – both are very mainstream and easily accessible for a Saturday night that doesn’t need a single thought.

A Christmas Story (1983)

Bob Clark, 94 mins To many, “A Christmas Story” is a classic that has to be seen but until now it had resolutely been off my radar. This is a comedy by former Porky’s director Bob Clark, and plays around the story of a child living in America in the 1940s. All he wants for Christmas is a red bb gun. Hilarity ensues, and rediscover the true meaning of Christmas… an American Christmas. The film is probably more suited to children than it is adults, but it tries to present comedy on two levels – on one, the very physical and visible level for children, and the other the knowing voice of Christmas seen with experience in hindsight – with the protagonist’s voice-over revealing like an aside, the truth and conspiracy of what is going on.

Bad Santa (2003)

Terry Zwigoff, 91 mins Yes, it really has been that long since this bizarre piece of holiday nastiness was released, and maybe time to reconsider how you felt about it. Billy Bob Thornton plays a conman out to swindle various shops and establishment’s using a Christmas themed scheme that works like a charm, until his ability and determination fade with the onset of alcoholism and exhaustion. His life slowly declines into a ceasepool of his own foils, until he accidentally falls into the company of an eight year old child – fat and bullied without a father figure in his life. As with every film about Christmas, the characters learn “the true meaning” of Christmas, disguised in a comedy film that deserves more affection than has been given it previously – but don’t expect these revelations to be as finely tuned as one might expect. There is 2/3 of a good film in there, tangled between a christmas plot, a frustratingly juxtaposition

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of rudeness and sweet sentiment, and vulgour attempts to be crude that aren’t nearly as funny as you’d imagine, which with a good edit or a rewrite could have been saved. As it is, the late Bernie Mac’s character in the film adequately expresses the frustrations inherent in the film – he is utterly irrelevant to the plot, and confusingly inconsistent, but still hilarious in small doses.

CFAC – Day 7: The Santa Clause/Brazil

Nanu Advent Day 7

Having made it through the first week of December you are looking for one of two things. Either, you want Christmas to be injected directly into your eyeballs. Or you want to kick Christmas in the balls. Assuming that you stay inside tonight – with Song By Toad's inevitably brilliant Christmas do happening ce soir, and no doubt being a very popular night for work Christmas parties in general – then it's a split double bill being recommended today.

The Santa Clause (1994)

John Pasquin, 97 mins

A film in which Tim Allen becomes Santa Claus, you've seen it and it's great – very funny if you are in the right mood. But rather than bore you with me saying that you should see this, I'd prefer to take a moment of your time to consider how I would describe this film if I was to write for TV Times or equivalent:

The Santa Clause:

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and no – that isn't a typo! The Santa “Clause” sees Tim Allen face an hilarious legal conundrum, as his world is turned upside down thanks to a litigious mishap which sees him kill Santa, and have to become him. This is a classic Christmas film about a murderous man struggling with an identity crisis and a magical onset of diabetes.

If you are reading Radio Times or whatever, hire me. Now.

Brazil (1985)

Terry Gilliam, 132 mins

Set in Brazil (lie), Terry Gilliam's joyous won

derland (not true) sees an entirely formulaic portrayal of the future (unbelievably wrong) in which everyone lives and rich and fulfilling life (kill me now). It's a happy-go-lucky festival of unquestioned

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consumerism and delight (not at all) that casino online will definitely make you feel a warm fuzzy feeling in celebrating the birth of Christ our lord (this bit might be true).

I'm not sure why I begun my analysis of Brazil like that, but I've kept it in regardless. If you've not seen Brazil, I don't want to speak to you until you have. As usual for a Terry Gilliam film, there is more invention in a single frame than most films will display in an entire, box office record smashing, trilogy. Next to Twelve Monkeys, this is probably Gilliam's real masterpiece, exploring a dystopian world borrowed heavily from the sentiment of Orwell's classic text 1984 – and tells a story that Gilliam was destined to direct. If, like me, the first week of December has made you want to see the death of Santa by decapitation this will honestly warm the cockles – and even if Christmas is still your cup of tea (extra cinnamon), please watch this film and celebrate the pure imagination and creativity which makes Christmas what it needs to be: childlike and beautiful, filtered through the despair of winter. Watch this:

Plus, I think this is the only film to feature Robert De Niro in this series, but I could be wrong. Get your fill now, just in case.

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CFAC – Day 6: Elf

Nanu Advent Day 6

Right. That's it. Pens down. Fuck all this rubbish. It's Thursday, and I'll be damned if I'm not bored of working and it not being Christmas. Christmas is still too far away to really excite me, but this week is just not ending. Worse still, the long nights and biting cold are really getting to me – why don't I remember how dark it gets! Time to watch one something to make me smile the widest I can, and remember why Christmas is so special. To do so, I am going to prescribe one of the funniest modern Christmas Classics – and one of Will Ferrel's funniest films to date.

Elf (2003)

John Favreau, 97 mins

This film could not have been better made for Will Ferrel if he had written it himself (which I'm not sure but I'm pretty sure he was part of it). For a while, on this side of the atlantic at least, it was found only by Anchorman devotees searching out for their fix of Ferrel, but it has since established itself as a family favourite – and it doesn't disappoint grown adults either. Not only do you have Will Ferrel doing what he does best, being ridiculously silly – and at christmas too – but you get a very early Zooey Deschanel keeping the kooky to a minimu

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m, but being desperately attractive without labouring the point. Not that she's the only reason to watch the film – but it adds a certain joy to proceedings. You perve. Stop looking at her and get ready – SANTA IS COMING

I don't want to say it out loud, but this film is coming up to being 10 years old. Cripes.

Against this, I want to highlight an alternative that show it's age.

Remember The Night (1940)

Mitchell Leison, 94 mins

Having never actually seen this myself, I am looking forward to checking out another film from an interesting time in film history. Clearly, mid second world war, concentrations weren't particularly focused on something full of spectacle, but instead focused on more subtle elements such as drama. This story sees a woman convicted of a crime on christmas eve – but with no courts

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to process her case, her prosecutor puts up her bail and invites her to his mother's house

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for Christmas. I love these old films, and you should give them a chance too, and given how old it is, you should be able to pick up a copy very cheaply!

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CFAC Day 5: The Snowman

Nanu Advent Day 5

It's twenty days to go, and if I'm honest – it's time to get genuinely excited by the prospect of Christmas. Remembering traditions are all important at this time of the year, and it is worth preparing yourself now before Christmas gets on top of you. There is no other way to prepare then to let yourself become a child again and watch, what is for British audiences, a classic animation for this time of year.

The Snowman (1982)

Dianne Jackson and Jimmy T. Murakami 26 mins

The adaptation of Raymond Biggs wonderful story of The Snowman has been experienced by any number of school children and adults in the 30 years since it was first released. The shrill voice of Aled Jones – who know has reprieved a place in the heart of the UK once again as a radio DJ – is a wonderful addition to some beautiful animation that is now iconic with a classic family Christmas (although there is a thing about it not being his voice or something. Google it, I'm not getting into it now). And lo and behold, it's on YouTube in it's entirety. Few!

As it's only short, to make things extra special I thought I'd include a few other festive favourites from around the world.

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qe2hGUN3wGzVqPjZQ0HIc7eQ&sig2=aoVri7KN2gCPtWdyk5T1Zg”>How the Grinch Stole Christmas (from 1966 would you believe!) – the original animation and not the remake – is a film I've never personally experienced except through other culture and cinema, but is one that is universally

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adored by vast swathes of American society, and another adaptation of Dr Seuss that is beloved. Far less recognised, but no doubt inspiration for the superb festive episode of Community, a number of claymation online casino animations including Jack Frost (1979) make the perfect accompaniment for any Snowman animation binge.

But for those of you not in the mood for some shitty kids animation – and who would blame you, there is bloody 20 days til christmas! Can't it fuck off already? Check out this little

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beauty for today's alternative film

Sint (2010)

Dick Maas, 85 Mins

This dark Dutch film is a horror that will begin to feature more prominently in people's Christmas film canon. In it, the myth of Santa Claus takes on its implicit, dark story that makes many fear the very thing they are supposed to love – as religion returns to sour the fun of Christmas through the murderous bishop of St. Nicholas. Furthermore, it's set on December 5th, and so tonight is no better day to watch


This marks the first of several horror films that make it into the advent calendar – you'd better watch out for the rest…

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CFAC Day 4: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Day four into the Christmas advent calendar of films, and already I can see the Christmas spirit wearing thin. Don't worry, it's a Tuesday night, we are going to watch something that is as fun as it is not about Christmas.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

Shane Black, 105 mins

This film is probably one of Val Kilmer's finest moments, and oddly enough creeped under a lot of people's radar's when it came out in 2005. Playing around with LA and the acting culture, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a kind of reboot of the noir genre, as a criminal escaping a robbery is asked to audition for the role of a detective in a movie. Again, it's not the most “Christmassy” of films – our momentum for festive fun will build as the month gathers pace – but being set around Christmas it's a good solid film that is ideal for a Tuesday night – and has it's charms that won't disappoint you.

While it's funny, it's also loud and a bit tongue in cheek. And if you aren't in the mood for that, then I need to find something equally charming, but which is quiet, subdued, and entirely unamerican. Enter then my alternative film recommendation:

Christmas With Dad (2008)

Conor McCormack, 12 mins.

This short film follows the the life of a man struggling to fill his role as a young father. At only 23, he already has 7 children, and is awaiting his 8th while the family prepares for an usual Christmas. It's a short British documentary that highlights British film making talent, and at only 12 minutes long is worth a few moments of your time,

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so why not give it a go – what's more, you can watch the whole thing below for free!

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