Having made it through the first week of December you are looking for one of two things. Either, you want Christmas to be injected directly into your eyeballs. Or you want to kick Christmas in the balls. Assuming that you stay inside tonight – with Song By Toad's inevitably brilliant Christmas do happening ce soir, and no doubt being a very popular night for work Christmas parties in general – then it's a split double bill being recommended today.
A film in which Tim Allen becomes Santa Claus, you've seen it and it's great – very funny if you are in the right mood. But rather than bore you with me saying that you should see this, I'd prefer to take a moment of your time to consider how I would describe this film if I was to write for TV Times or equivalent:
and no – that isn't a typo! The Santa “Clause” sees Tim Allen face an hilarious legal conundrum, as his world is turned upside down thanks to a litigious mishap which sees him kill Santa, and have to become him. This is a classic Christmas film about a murderous man struggling with an identity crisis and a magical onset of diabetes.
If you are reading Radio Times or whatever, hire me. Now.
derland (not true) sees an entirely formulaic portrayal of the future (unbelievably wrong) in which everyone lives and rich and fulfilling life (kill me now). It's a happy-go-lucky festival of unquestioned
consumerism and delight (not at all) that casino online will definitely make you feel a warm fuzzy feeling in celebrating the birth of Christ our lord (this bit might be true).
I'm not sure why I begun my analysis of Brazil like that, but I've kept it in regardless. If you've not seen Brazil, I don't want to speak to you until you have. As usual for a Terry Gilliam film, there is more invention in a single frame than most films will display in an entire, box office record smashing, trilogy. Next to Twelve Monkeys, this is probably Gilliam's real masterpiece, exploring a dystopian world borrowed heavily from the sentiment of Orwell's classic text 1984 – and tells a story that Gilliam was destined to direct. If, like me, the first week of December has made you want to see the death of Santa by decapitation this will honestly warm the cockles – and even if Christmas is still your cup of tea (extra cinnamon), please watch this film and celebrate the pure imagination and creativity which makes Christmas what it needs to be: childlike and beautiful, filtered through the despair of winter. Watch this:
Plus, I think this is the only film to feature Robert De Niro in this series, but I could be wrong. Get your fill now, just in case.
Right. That's it. Pens down. Fuck all this rubbish. It's Thursday, and I'll be damned if I'm not bored of working and it not being Christmas. Christmas is still too far away to really excite me, but this week is just not ending. Worse still, the long nights and biting cold are really getting to me – why don't I remember how dark it gets! Time to watch one something to make me smile the widest I can, and remember why Christmas is so special. To do so, I am going to prescribe one of the funniest modern Christmas Classics – and one of Will Ferrel's funniest films to date.
This film could not have been better made for Will Ferrel if he had written it himself (which I'm not sure but I'm pretty sure he was part of it). For a while, on this side of the atlantic at least, it was found only by Anchorman devotees searching out for their fix of Ferrel, but it has since established itself as a family favourite – and it doesn't disappoint grown adults either. Not only do you have Will Ferrel doing what he does best, being ridiculously silly – and at christmas too – but you get a very early Zooey Deschanel keeping the kooky to a minimu
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m, but being desperately attractive without labouring the point. Not that she's the only reason to watch the film – but it adds a certain joy to proceedings. You perve. Stop looking at her and get ready – SANTA IS COMING
I don't want to say it out loud, but this film is coming up to being 10 years old. Cripes.
Against this, I want to highlight an alternative that show it's age.
Having never actually seen this myself, I am looking forward to checking out another film from an interesting time in film history. Clearly, mid second world war, concentrations weren't particularly focused on something full of spectacle, but instead focused on more subtle elements such as drama. This story sees a woman convicted of a crime on christmas eve – but with no courts
for Christmas. I love these old films, and you should give them a chance too, and given how old it is, you should be able to pick up a copy very cheaply!
After they have all been released there will be a chance to vote on your favourite as well as the Nanu Nanu Ultimate Christmas Playlist, released just in time for your journey home.
Track 1: Low – Just Like Christmas Track 2: There Will Be Fireworks – In Excelsis Deo Track 3: Saint Etienne – I Was Born On Christmas Day Track 4: Fleet Foxes – White Winter Hymnal Track 5: The Russian Futurists – Its Not Really Cold When It Snows
It's twenty days to go, and if I'm honest – it's time to get genuinely excited by the prospect of Christmas. Remembering traditions are all important at this time of the year, and it is worth preparing yourself now before Christmas gets on top of you. There is no other way to prepare then to let yourself become a child again and watch, what is for British audiences, a classic animation for this time of year.
The adaptation of Raymond Biggs wonderful story of The Snowman has been experienced by any number of school children and adults in the 30 years since it was first released. The shrill voice of Aled Jones – who know has reprieved a place in the heart of the UK once again as a radio DJ – is a wonderful addition to some beautiful animation that is now iconic with a classic family Christmas (although there is a thing about it not being his voice or something. Google it, I'm not getting into it now). And lo and behold, it's on YouTube in it's entirety. Few!
As it's only short, to make things extra special I thought I'd include a few other festive favourites from around the world.
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qe2hGUN3wGzVqPjZQ0HIc7eQ&sig2=aoVri7KN2gCPtWdyk5T1Zg”>How the Grinch Stole Christmas (from 1966 would you believe!) – the original animation and not the remake – is a film I've never personally experienced except through other culture and cinema, but is one that is universally
adored by vast swathes of American society, and another adaptation of Dr Seuss that is beloved. Far less recognised, but no doubt inspiration for the superb festive episode of Community, a number of claymation online casino animations including Jack Frost (1979) make the perfect accompaniment for any Snowman animation binge.
But for those of you not in the mood for some shitty kids animation – and who would blame you, there is bloody 20 days til christmas! Can't it fuck off already? Check out this little
This dark Dutch film is a horror that will begin to feature more prominently in people's Christmas film canon. In it, the myth of Santa Claus takes on its implicit, dark story that makes many fear the very thing they are supposed to love – as religion returns to sour the fun of Christmas through the murderous bishop of St. Nicholas. Furthermore, it's set on December 5th, and so tonight is no better day to watch
This marks the first of several horror films that make it into the advent calendar – you'd better watch out for the rest…
Day four into the Christmas advent calendar of films, and already I can see the Christmas spirit wearing thin. Don't worry, it's a Tuesday night, we are going to watch something that is as fun as it is not about Christmas.
This film is probably one of Val Kilmer's finest moments, and oddly enough creeped under a lot of people's radar's when it came out in 2005. Playing around with LA and the acting culture, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a kind of reboot of the noir genre, as a criminal escaping a robbery is asked to audition for the role of a detective in a movie. Again, it's not the most “Christmassy” of films – our momentum for festive fun will build as the month gathers pace – but being set around Christmas it's a good solid film that is ideal for a Tuesday night – and has it's charms that won't disappoint you.
While it's funny, it's also loud and a bit tongue in cheek. And if you aren't in the mood for that, then I need to find something equally charming, but which is quiet, subdued, and entirely unamerican. Enter then my alternative film recommendation:
This short film follows the the life of a man struggling to fill his role as a young father. At only 23, he already has 7 children, and is awaiting his 8th while the family prepares for an usual Christmas. It's a short British documentary that highlights British film making talent, and at only 12 minutes long is worth a few moments of your time,
been released there will be a chance to vote on your favourite as well as the Nanu Nanu Ultimate Christmas Playlist, released just in time for your journey home.
During the early 90s Christmas compilations were filled with classics from the 80s and as a result I grew up on Shakin' Stevens, Frankie Goes to Hollywood and Mel and Kim. This list could have very much been made up of the best of that era but I decided to broaden it out to cover a variety of Christmas themes. Enjoy.
An era of Christmas songs that always deserves to be brought out at this time of year is that of The Rat Pack.
Track 4: The Pouges and Kirsty MacColl – Fairytale of New York
The 80s classic.
The most listened to Christmas track of the 21st century, really I'm not making that up, and a regular on top ten lists of Christmas songs. I'm just happy to have it on my list.
Track 5: Bob Dylan – Here Comes Santa Claus
The personal choice
Where as all the above choices are tracks that I thought everybody would enjoy. This one is just for me. It brings me more joy than I can describe to imitate this song, much to the annoyance of anyone unlucky enough to be in my vicinity.
So, it's back to work on Monday, and so begins one of the longest stretches of work you will ever encounter. Coming up to Christmas, time changes, as excitement is replaced by tedium. You work all week, and it doesn't seem to come closer. What's more, in every waking moment. You become alienated from the world – where the fuck is family and Christmas? Why am I working so much to pay for things I don't need? Why is the world so weird? What the fuck have trees got to do with Christ? You need a film to help you feel lost, and alienated. You need some good cinema. You need…
The incredible film sees Stanley Kubrick work with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, exposing love and ritual in the most bizarre way. As with most Kubrick films, the cinematography is incredible, but at nearly 3 hours long it's a film that will test your patience, as much as the world tests Cruise's character. But it is everything odd and unusual in one package. If you've never seen it, then you must – take the time out of your day to at least see it once. If you have seen it before, then go onto the IMDB trivia section, and look at how much got changed before having another watch, and think to yourself – where are they now? It isn't a Christmas film in the strictest sense of the word, but the oddness of Christmas and community are exposed in a wonderful – and I guaran
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tee some of the sequences will make you feel cold. If you can, grab a copy in high definition, and watch this before Christmas really sets in, and you end up being too tied up to give this film the viewing it deserves.
Honestly though, it's a tough watch and may not be to everyone's tastes. Furthermore, it won't
be the film that Kubrick wanted you to see, which adds to the mystery of it all. But if you don't fancy watching this – and this is only an excuse for those of you who have seen it before, as I urge you to watch it the once in your life – then the alternative film is another kind of oddness.
This documentary looks at the life of Mr. Vig, and very elderly bachelor who bought up a castle with the explicit aim of turning it into a monastery. Realising his ambitions, as the last pieces fall into place, this documentary explores the complexities of realising your dreams. The fact that Mr Vig looks kind of like Santa Claus makes this one of the loosest possible Christmas films, but you should watch it anyway to explore Christmas in a different kind of way. Once again, this will be difficult to find but worth the effort if you can get your hands on a copy.
So the first Sunday of the month, and you are a bit Christmassed out from the . After all, it's only really getting started, and you don't want to blow your load to soon. It's too early to go Christmas shopping, but you still wanna watch a good, solid Sunday night film. I have the perfect thing for you.
Unlike yesterday's effort, this title creeps into the top ten of Christmas film lists for other reasons. Sure, it's a great film. It's a film you can watch any Sunday, of any year. It won't age. It's a timeless action flick that defined Bruce Willis' career for 20 years, and cemented his role as the action star of our hearts – and what's more, it's the best time he's played that role. But it's in every list as the Christmas film that people always remember being a Christmas film when people say what's your favourite Christmas film, but actually really isn't a Christmas film. You know? That's why I wanted to get it out of the way early, so people would stop chatting about Die Hard being the greatest Christmas film – it isn't, but it's ideal for this time of the year. Watch it now so that when people talk about it as the best Christmas film for the rest of December, it'll be fresh in your mind and you'll sound the expert.
Here we see some critical analysis of the film, back when it was released on vhs:
I don't know why you are still reading this, you know already from the moment I said Die Hard that you want to go see it, so treat yourself – I guarantee you've not seen it nearly recently enough, even if the last time you saw it was last night. It's
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cold outside – do yourself a favour and go watch this film. It's over two hours long and it never feels like it for a second.
Okay, so you've already seen Die Hard, literally this morning, twice, and you don't fancy watching it for the third time today. I can understand entirely – but you still need the kind of Sunday night film that everyone can enjoy? Fine, give this alternative film a try…
John Cusack as you've not seen him before. Look out for him later in the month
John Cusack turns up later in our advent calendar for perhaps one of my favourite Christmas films, but this one is often forgotten – and in many minds, completely unknown.
Set on Christmas eve, it's about a crime on the night before the big day, and it is debatable if this has more right to be a Christmas film, but at least it doesn't skimp on strippers, violence or fun. It's no Die Hard – but then what is? Die Hard. Watch Die Hard already. Even Die Hard 2 struggles to come close to Die Hard. Watch Mother Fucking Die Hard – then watch this. You done that yet? Yes. Good.
Merry Christmas.
Editor's Note: It just so happens that the excellent Cry Baby Comedy will be hosting a Die Hard event for Christmas this coming Friday 7th December at the Banshee Labyrinth. Comedy and Die Hard on a big screen with an audience too – cracking night, go check it out!
First of all, welcome to CFAC – the Christmas Film Advent Calendar to end all advent calendars – a guide to the best Christmas films that you may or may not have seen, with one a day to get you excited for Christmas. The guide will be simple – every day, behind every window, a new film will be posted – these films won't be in any particular order, they do not start at the worst and get better, they have been crafted to adapt to the mood of that time of the month. But more than this, a separate alternative film will be offered if you fancy something different – or are just plain not up for the movie on offer! So, without further ado, let us begin…
Day 1: Let's Get Christmassy!
So, it's December 1st, and out of nowhere, November is over. The year 2012, which we had anticipated for years as the year of the future, has come and is almost over. All that excitement gone to nothing. All that is left is that long hard slog 'til Christmas – work is almost over, and school is nearing , all the while, days are getting longer, and the worst of the winter weather is yet to hit. So what better way to start the month then with a massive dose of Christmas!
Creeping into the top five of most Christmas film lists, The Muppet Christmas Carol does everything that the Muppets did so well, back when they were still doing it with some sense of regularity – it's brilliantly funny no matter your age, cleverly written and vibrant in colour and sound. Although not the only Dickens' featured in this list, The Muppet take is probably my favourite and does the original text justice, keeping the essence and then stuffing it through the minds of adults who never grew up. I imagine few won't have seen this, so dust off your copy and whack it in while you put up some decorations – this is guaranteed to kick off the month with a smile – the perfect film to get anyone in the Christmas mood, and so light that you can have it on in the background while you work on g
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etting things festive without missing a beat. Here's a clip of one of the songs:
Is it Michael Caine's greatest film role? No. Not even close. But then again, it's probably the role he'd most like to be remembered for, around this time of year. By children. Who haven't seen him do Batman.
Going along with the Kids Christmas vibe, a modern film that will no doubt find it's way into the christmas canon soon enough is Aardman's 3D adventure Arthur Christmas. Questions of Santa Claus' apparent limited abilities are tested to their limits by this animated tour de force that exposes the incredibly technical world of Santa and his Elves. It's a star studded film with an incredible cast, and with Peter Baynham helping out in the writing department, it has an humorous charm that will not disappoint, and echoes the bright and brilliant sparkle of the Muppets that may be wearing thin to some who have watched their Christmas Carol to death – or worry that the songs won't match up to the brilliant “Man or a Muppet”.
This short documentary traces the journey of a tree from its home in Norway, to it's place in the streets of London. It might be quite hard to track down, but if you can find it, this short film about the journey of the hallowed christmas tree, will help anchor your christmas spirits into the magnitude and role of winter, life and nature. You can catch some of the film here, or else see extracts from the Zagreb Film Festival.
