Merry Christmas one and all!
You”ve made it here at last. Have you opened your presents yet? Has santa been? are you at home? are you sitting comfortably? Are you drunk? Tired? Full? Drowsy?
I DONT CARE. The doctor prescribes this…
It”s A Wonderful Life (1946)
Frank Capra, 130 mins
There is no two ways about it, this is the film to end all Christmas films, with James Stewart taking the lead as our suicidal protagonist. It”s a long, dark, bleak film and I make no apologies for this – nothing will make you feel better about yourself and every gluttonous sin you have achieved today alone than watching this film. More to the point, many of you reading this no doubt will not have seen this masterpiece, and would have instead watched some other buntless brokenfist of a film (n.b. these are not real words so don”t look em up). This is a great film that is a classic for good reason, and like Cassablanca and those that meet similar fates, deserve your time at least this once, and then again every year. Please watch this film, and bring you family round the screen to share in the glory that is It”s a wonderful life…
But if you can”t do that for some reason, then I have begrudgingly permitted an alternative film for today which is…
Shrek The Halls (2007)
Gary Trousdale, 21 mins
If you aren”t going to watch it”s a wonderful life, then you want something so totally the other side of things and Shrek the halls is this. Where It”s a wonderful life has good performances, this has Eddie Murphy playing a donkey. I like Eddie Murphy, but this isn”t Eddie Murphy. This is a fucking Donkey. It isn”t a good film at all so I may as well have said “There online casino is no alternative film” today – I”ve made this alternative film so god damn awful that it is not an option. You have to watch It”s a wonderful life? okay? How dare you enjoy yourself n christmas day when one of themost beautiful and depressing films is playing in ther other room. And no, this does not allow your children to watch something other than it”s a wonderful life – i”ve even taken away the dvd from the box so there is only one film to watch.
Trust me on this, if you”ve never put yourself through it, go and fucking do this now.
Okay if you really do want to watch an alternative, I will only recommend this once – it”s another black and white film (hear me out) and it”s called “The Shop Round the Corner”. Don”t google it, don”t look it up – just find a copy and watch it. No peaking.